Friday, October 5, 2012

SHE'S BACK ....

Hi, everyone,

Well, it's Friday and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend planned. Chicago will be COLD and dreary, so I will be staying closed in reading Romantic Friday Writers' post.

Yes, it's that time again. We have another prompt this week. We are celebrating Denise and Donna's birthdays! Happy birthday ladies! And happy birthday to ALL October babies.

So challenge #46 is based on an elaborate birthday where the mc finds himself/herself out of sorts and with an inappropriate gift. Sound so humiliating and embarrassing, doesn't it?

Well for this challenge I decided to bring back my characters from prompt 44... She... written in Film Noir style.

It's a genre I am toying with and hope to turn into a novella. Let me know what you think. I would appreciate your opinions.

So without further adieu here's my entry at 399 words ....



Flash bulbs pop as a black limo door opens. A silky leg unfolds and she steps out, draped in an ebony mink stole. Hidden behind a sheer black veil, her gloved hand laces into the arm of a grey-haired man.

He whisks her through the columned portico and into the gilded lobby of the Drake. The paparazzi clamor closely behind, only to be shut out by two husky men, patrolling the entrance to the Palm Court. 

The melodic strum of a harp mingles with hushed voices as two patent leather, ankle-strapped pumps tap on the travertine floor. A waiter rushes to her side to light the cigarette anxiously awaiting. She inhales from a jeweled holder as the rhinestones reflect the dazzling crystal chandelier soaring above her head.

Screened in a cloud of silvery smoke, the lighter clicks and the waiter disappears.

“Mr. Sinclair,” a voice rings out. “Welcome, and congratulations.” A stocky man approaches, extending an arm.

“Marcel. Thank you.” They clasp hands. 

“I hope everything is to your satisfaction,” Marcel says, a bead of sweat lingering on his brow.

“It’s fine, Marcel. Isn’t it my dear?” He places a manicured hand around her cinched waist.

She nods.

As couples gather with “Happy birthday” gracing their lips, the mountain of Tiffany boxes weigh heavily on a carved mahogany table stationed next to the celebrated couple.  

A single man lurks behind a massive Corinthian column. His eyes glance from the tinkling marble fountain; to the floral arrangement featuring hundreds of white orchids; and finally rest on the man and the array of presents piled a mile high next to him.

He lowers his head and fumbles with a cellophane-taped package wrapped clumsily in brown and white striped paper. Large callused hands press the wrinkled suit jacket.

“What the hell am I doing here anyway?” He brushes the loose hair away from his eyes and focuses on the woman. 

She is perfectly poised. Glossy, red lips are the only portion of her face unhidden. An occasional drag on her cigarette parts her bow-shaped mouth. Treading toward the couple, his eyes never wander from her.

He clears his throat.

Both their heads turn.

“You came?”

He lowers his gaze to meet the older man’s eyes. “Ah, this if for you.”

He tosses the gift onto the pile.

The younger man’s face flushes.

“Nephew, this is my secretary, Miss Donavan.”



Well, I hope this has you intrigued. Don't forget to visit the other Romantic Writers for their version of this prompt ... click here.

Have an AWESOME weekend everyone.

   

34 comments:

  1. Hi Michael
    I do love surprise endings. The older guy is the Birthday Boy, funny. If I'd been your character I would have put the gift on the table and left unseen. Real life. But then there would be no story. Nice job.
    Nancy

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  2. Uh, oh. Nice twist on inappropriate--I'm thinking it's not the nephew who's out of line. I'm wondering--could you make it the older man's son instead of nephew? That he would have to introduce the woman to his son, who obviously knows nothing about her and possibly hasn't even spoken with his father for years, makes it so much worse!

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  3. Ah, the suspense deepens as well as the mystery, Michael. Looking forward to how it would unravel, just like the present:)

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  4. Your dialogue is wonderful , the scene very visual and yes I do so want to hear more. Aw...some friday romance....dreaming :)

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  5. Sexy, and mysterious. The setting descriptions are sumptuous. You had me fooled; I thought the "single man" would end up being the detective. lol, still might, I'm sure.

    Beautifully written Michael. Have a cozy weekend.

    .......dhole

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  6. Gaaaaaah...

    Seriously...

    I could read this all day, LOL... It's so... *there* in the moment... there's this feeling that hangs around your words... I'm *there* feeling and seeing everything. It's fabulous!

    I want a whole book, Michael. THIS is what you need to be writing! You'd have every woman in America swooning! ;)

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  7. That was a great twist! I love the noir style of the story.

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  8. You have to continue, so much intrigue and as I wrote before, excellent descriptive work. I shall study it closely.

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  9. Intriguing indeed, look forward to more. Your desciptions are deliciously atmospheric. Really enjoyed the excerpt.

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  10. I could really picture the scene, you describe things so well. I just wonder in the first paragraph whether there is too much 'black' and in 'black limo' 'ebony mink stole' and 'black veil' although it does give an aura. I loved the piece and am looking foward to more with these characters.

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  11. Mystery, intrigue, and Noir ... great combo. Love your prose. You need to make this a novel.

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  12. as a supporter of PETA I'm here to spray that mink wearing woman with some oily red paint!

    Nice story, Mikey!
    Hope you're having a very naughty weekend :)

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  13. Talk about October birthdays, my daughter's is on Halloween!

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  14. Hey my friend! I always love reading your dialogue. It is so real! As if I'm listening in on the conversation. Ahhh. But I am though, aren't I? Your description is awesome too. I'm definitely intrigued. :-)

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  15. Excellent description. I think the real story actually starts at the twisty end.

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  16. I wanted more more more. I love the way you describe the Drake. I as right there with Uncle and his arm candy.

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  17. Ooh, Michael, this sensual style so suits you. I think you are finding new ways to write, becoming more literary. Love it. Love the rich descriptions, love the emotions, love the mystery at the end. This story isn't over yet. Do I see a novella coming on?

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  18. Michael, you really have a knack for describing events, characters, setting and everything else so well. I could almost see this in pictures and that's what made it even more intriguing. Wonder what happens next?

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  19. Seems like you've found a niche here with the romance stuff, cheers!

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  20. Dear Michael,

    What atmosphere! What suspense!

    Great descriptions, intriguing characters and a mystery!

    But can you sustain this through a novel? That is the question.
    Alfred Hitchcock always said that the audience could only stand just so much suspense and then needs a rest; a scene with comic relief.

    I think you have potential here, Michael. You've got me hooked. I'll read almost anything you write!

    Thank you for your kind words about my text. Please take pride in the fact that you have inspired my writing. I have left a comment about this on my post.

    I am so glad that you have been able to participate in RFW for 'Birthday Madness'. I hope you will be able to post something for next time too, for Halloween, which will be the last time before RFW takes a break in November.

    I notice that you are following me on Friend Connect. Thank you for doing this. I lost over a hundred followers when I had to change blog address because of a virus-attack in January 2012.

    Hope you have a wonderful two weeks until next time!

    Best wishes,
    Anna
    For the benefit of other readers:
    RFW No. 46 - 'Birthday Madness'

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  21. I'm certainly curious! I like your writing style, it is very engaging. Is this from a book you will be writing?

    Allons-y

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  22. What a wonderfully descriptive story! Fabulous!

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  23. You have got style and you know your characters. Loved the surprise ending. Keep writing, I see a novel not far ahead :D

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  24. I need to know more... please tell me this is going to be the novella you mentioned ?!

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  25. Came back to read the rest of the comments... I think you've got to give the people what they want, Michael! :D

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  26. Fascinating. If that's his secretary then I'm going with what Lady Gaga said about men and the number one thing she looks for "He's gotta have a big d*ck!" So yeah...there's a story there. You should give it to me long and uncut.

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  27. This is the first time I ventured into this story, but I'm intrigued. Something tells me things are about to go down later on. :)

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  28. Ooh, very intriguing set up. What's going to happen to this trio? Love your lush descriptions.

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  29. I was drawn into the moment. I love the immediacy of your writing... and great atmosphere too!

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  30. Hi Michael, there's lots of lovely description here. I am intrigued, esepcially about the romantic aspect of this piece.

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  31. Very film noir! And I love the Drake! :)

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  32. Michael,
    It is like watching a 1940s movie in my head. Your attention to detail is unsurpassed. I felt I was right there in the hotel.
    I think it would amp things up if it was his son instead of the nephew, too.
    I always love reading your writing.

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