Wednesday, February 6, 2013

SECURITY STEMS FROM LOVING PARENTS ....

Hi, All,


Well, as most of you know today is the first Wednesday of the month and it is time for the Insecure Writer's Support Group or The IWSG as it is affectionately called. It is a day for us writers to vent, support, or just plain speak our minds. The founder, Alex Cavanaugh created this group many, many months ago. And I am happy to say the group keeps enlisting more writers every month. If you would like to become a member feel free to drop by Alex's blogsite.

This month's IWSG happens to fall on a sad day for me. Fifteen years ago I lost my mom very unexpectedly. She went into the hospital a few weeks prior for a routine operation. Sadly she had never left. I had just moved to Florida from Las Vegas where my parents had retired. I gave it a try for three years and it was time for me to leave. I moved into a stunning two bedroom apartment on a crystal blue lake in Fort Lauderdale away from the cold, arid desert, forever landlocked. Mom was to fly down and leave the winter to recuperate in the sun. She loved the beach and my place was only a few miles away. But the scenic oversized lake, the haven for egrets, blue herons, ducks and dragonflies, would have been a welcome sight for her while sitting on the terrace smoking a cigarette with her morning coffee.

I had left the week of her operation. She had assured me to move and not to worry. My dad and brothers were there, so I felt fine leaving. As I had said before, this was strictly a ROUTINE operation. The operation  was successful, but for some odd reason the doctor couldn't regulate my mom's sugar diabetes. She wasn't a bad diabetic, only a small pill once a day. Apparently they had missed a kidney issue in the pre-testing stage.

Each day Dad called me with her ups and downs. At this point it wasn't terminal. Well, two weeks later she died. At the time I had my own health issues. That was the thirteenth month of my crippling arthritis. I was limping badly on crutches, and I didn't have the physical or emotional strength to handle this situation. Thankfully I spoke with my mom the day before she died. That night her spirit had visited me. It's true. She smiled and said goodbye. It was her time to go and she had said now it was my job to look after my dad and middle brother, who both NEEDED a lot of looking after ... I told her I didn't have the strength, that she couldn't leave yet. She smiled again. "You are the only one like me Michael, you haven't even begun to realize how strong you really are ... one step at a time ... even on your shaky legs." A tear slid down my face an she was gone.

Even in death, my mom kept her sense of humor. I knew before the phone rang, that she had gone. Then the family drama started... That is another story.

I wanted to honor my Mom today because of all the people I have ever met in my life she was NEVER insecure. She lived her life with style, passion, an iron fist, and a very kind heart. No matter what curve ball was thrown at her, she caught it and mashed it into pieces. Even after she was diagnosed with cancer many years prior, and was given only a year to live, she told the doctor, "There's no way I worked for thirty years and I'm not collecting my Social Security!" That was my Mom, always feisty and ready to fight head on. She lived almost fifteen years longer and did collect her SS. Funny, it wasn't the cancer that ended her life... it was a misdiagnosis. So PLEASE remember to get three or even four opinions before any surgery.

So, in my INSECURE moments, when I am having a rough time, I draw on my mom's strength. Even in death, her spirit is a force to be reckoned with.  So in honor of her and ALL you parents out there, I respect you because your job isn't easy. You persevere and keep you little ones on the right path. Remember that love will give you the strength you need because there is no force more powerful than love.

Have a wonderful day everyone and give your MOM a big hug today!


47 comments:

  1. Michael, I am so sorry!
    It sounds like she left you with a gift though, one that will not only get you through life, but those around you.
    I will be thinking of you today.

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  2. Michael, what a touching experience. I lost my mama in 2009, so I can relate, somewhat, to your situation. Sounds like your mom did a wonderful job passing on her feisty attitude toward living to you.

    "No matter what curve ball was thrown at her, she caught it and mashed it into pieces." Love that!

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  4. A lovely tribute to honour your mum and it seems as though she is still with you in ways that you need her to be, with that inner strength you've inherited from her.

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  5. What a lovely post, Michael. And I'm very sorry for your loss. Here's a huge cyber ((((((hug))))) to you. :)

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  6. Gosh, Michael. That is rough and seems so unfair to lose her so young. I think this post is a beautiful tribute.

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  7. I do that with my dad. He's been gone since 1997...sure do miss him sometimes.

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  8. Beautiful post, Michael, thank you for sharing it with us.

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  9. Even though it's been a while, Michael, I'm sorry for your loss. My wife recently lost her mother and I know it can be extremely tough.

    We should all aspire to be like your mother...no doubt, no insecurities, no time for worries.

    She sounded like a great lady, indeed.

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  10. Michael I read this with tears in my eyes, my mother passed away suddenly and three days later my husband was told he had terminal cancer and within 2 months he too was gone,
    I drew on their strength,mum was a wonderful mother and my husband too was wonderful, things were hard for a while but though I ups and downs they are never far away, Thank you for this wonderful tribute to your dear mother,

    Yvonne.

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  11. Michael, your mother sounds like she was an amazing and inspiring woman. She passed her gifts to you and will live on in your memory and writings about her. This post brought tears to my eyes! Thanks for writing it!

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  12. Your mother sounds like an awesome person and a great inspiration. It's a blessing when you get to meet people like that in your life. It's a wonderful tribute you wrote here. :)

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  13. A beautiful tribute to your mother. I can see why you were a model with parents that were so beautiful and loving to their son.

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  14. What a wonderful story and tribute to your mother. To mothers every where really. You are an amazing and inspirational person. Thank you so much for sharing something so close to you and touching the rest of deeply with your words. Best on such a tough and emotional day. My thoughts will be with you.

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  15. So sorry about your mom, but what a special experience. I'm glad you have so many good memories of her to help you through the hard times.

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  16. She sounds like a wonderful lady. I hope I can face my own trials with that kind fortitude.

    mood

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  17. Thanks for sharing this wonderful post Michael.
    It's a beautiful tribute to a special person...

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  18. First of all, Michael, Chicken Soup for the Soul is now accepting submissions for their title "Messages from Heaven 2." Your story sounds like it would be a good fit. Check them out at chickensoup.com.

    What a beautiful post. You sound like my brother. He told me just yesterday that he believes our mom is his guardian angel and is watching over him from the heavenly realm. Thanks for sharing this beautiful story.

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  19. Ah Michael. I tell my kids all the time, even if I'm gone and you can't see me...know I will always be there. Nothing is more important to a mom than our kids.
    And I believe you got your visit. People might find me insane, but after my brother died, I felt him. I couldn't see him or talk to him, but I felt him. (My niece had a dream of him visiting her and like you, knew he had passed before we told her.)
    Wonderful, heartfelt post. Thanks for sharing.

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  20. Wow. Amazing post. Your mom sounds much like mine. I'm fortunate to have her still and am thankful for her every single day. I am glad, however, that you were able to experience some closure during the ordeal. I, fortunately again, had that when my father passed. Always remember.

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  21. Beautiful post, Michael. Thanks so much for sharing it. Losing family is never easy. My sister died 5 1/2 years ago after a long 15 year battle with breast cancer. She wanted to live until 50 and died a few days after that birthday. We'd already planned a visit with my mom, aunt and a few cousins to celebrate her 50th over Thanksgiving (her birthday was a few days later). She was in hospice at home then and thankfully was doing pretty good. Even though I knew she might die soon, I couldn't say a final goodbye. I hoped to go there again one last time. Her courage and positive attitude throughout her illness inspires me like your mom's attitude helps you. Thanks again for sharing.

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  22. I am so sorry about your mom. What a heartfelt, beautiful post. Thank you for sharing this with us.

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  23. What a touching post, Michael. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mom, and I can imagine what a sad day this is for you. She must have been a very special lady. I lost my father last year and I'm dreading the anniversary coming up in June. I know it will be a sad day but I'm also grateful I had my dad for as long as I did.

    Lovely post, thanks for sharing it.

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  24. Lovely, poignant tribute, Michael. Your mom would be so proud.

    I lost both my parents right after I graduated college. My life was just beginning and so much of it I wish I could have shared with them. Honestly? Sometimes I resent the fact they were taken from me. Then I reflect on how very fortunate I was to have the time we had, and I'm grateful. I still miss them every day.



    ~VR Barkowski

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  25. What an inspiring and touching tribute.
    Thank you for sharing, I love the things that anchor us, and family is that, always!

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  26. What a wonderful post and super tribute to your Mom. It's obvious that the two of you shared much love and special connection, that she sought you out to say good bye and pass the torch of watchful care of your family.

    Hugs to you on this day and every day. My mother has been gone since 1979 and I still miss her every single day.

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  27. Michael,
    I feel like I know your Mom. What a beautiful tribute to that powerful spirited woman. She would be so proud of you today, as I'm sure she was then. I'm glad you continued writing, you are a fabulous writer! I'm so glad to meet you here today.....take care my friend.
    Hugs
    Katt

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  28. Sorry for your loss, Michael. Your story is very moving, but sad. And this is an awesome tribute to your mother! Great post!

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  29. This is a lovely tribune, Michael. Having a parent who is secure in everything she does makes a huge different for the children. Glad you had this with your mom. *hugs*

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  30. I understand. It will be eight years on the 27th of this month since I lost my mom. But weren't we incredibly blessed to have had them?

    Take comfort in the memories and the never ending love.

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  31. I feel so fortunate to have two moms! Your story makes me grateful. I'm so sorry you lost your mom, Michael :(

    *big hug*

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  32. Life throws us some unexpected trauma, and losing your mum during such a routine operation seems to be rather cruel, but I've heard of this before. It must have been so sad to be so far away. But you honour your mum every day with the way you live Michael. She raised a caring, spiritual guy. She must have been wonderful.

    Sadly I've lost both my mum and dad, but I think of them every day.

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  33. I'm totally speechless. But I'm so glad you shared--thank you for that. I know you usually don't like to get too personal on your blog, so this was amazing, Michael.

    What an amazing tribute--if we could all be like your mom. I can picture her in my mind! And what an amazing story--I totally believe in experiences like this. And what an assurance to know that your mom isn't gone--you know she's close by and watching you and is very proud of your life.

    Oh to live a life of not being insecure!

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  34. I've had enough spiritual experiences that I believe you and I thank you for sharing such a personal moment. My mother is diabetic as well and has been through five or six different types of cancer (I lost count). She should've been dead several times over, but she said she won't go until she's good in ready. Thank God for feisty mom's who don't let medicine dictate their life spans :) This post was a beautiful way to honor your mom.

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  35. You have your Mom's optimism and sense of humor. She seems to have been a great life teacher.

    .....dhole

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  36. Beautiful tribute to your mother, she sounds like a wonderful person I would have loved to have met.

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  37. Such a sweet tribute. My thoughts are with you x

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  38. Thank you for that tribute to your mom, it was beautifully said. She sounds like an amazing woman.

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  39. That is a wonderful story, Michael, and I believe every word of it. I'm glad you had a great mother. I would be a louse of a man without the awesome influence of mine. You can bet the next time I see her, she's going to get the hug of her life. :)

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  40. What a loving mother deposits in our souls never leaves. When we draw upon that love and memory, we will never come up NSF.

    Your post was beautiful. My BEAR WITH TWO SHADOWS is drawn from my mother's bedside tales and is my tribute to her.

    Even when you may not feel it, you wear your mother's love and nuturing like a ghost of a rose on the lapel of your spirit.

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  41. Sounds like your mother was an amazing, inspirational woman! I know how that is 'cause my mother is the same.

    I'm very sorry for your loss. It's my biggest fear - losing my parents.

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  42. what strength she has given you!!! (and not just in those popping out biceps :D) it is so refreshing to hear how others have been given confidence from those closest to them. i'll hug my mamasita in the morning.

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  43. Still catching up on IWSG posts...So glad I stopped by. This is such a sweet tribute to your mom. It sounds like you have much of her strong spirit. So sad that a misdiagnosis turned to tragedy. Stay strong!

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  44. February 9th, 2013

    Oh Michael, Dear Sweet Michael,

    I read your post about the roses and decided to click on the "older post"- button to find out.

    Oh my goodness, I don't know what to say. You have been through so much.

    In one of my how-to books the author describes the difference between real life and fiction: "real life is messy and without satisfactory explanations; whereas fiction puts everything in order".

    What a life you have had to deal with. And what a good attitude you have in the face of set-backs.

    My mother is still alive. She's 86. My father passed away 2006. He was 88. But it was my maternal grandmother who visited me in my dreams.

    What a loving and wonderful son your mother has. Hope my son grows up to be like you.

    I've been thinking a lot about life and dead this past week. My cat, Sara, died three days ago and that event has given me a peek-hole-perspective on the larger tragedies of life.

    Blessings and best wishes,
    Anna

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  45. Sorry to hear about your mother, Michael :( It seems from your story that she was a lovely person! My father also died a few weeks ago but I wasn't close to him.

    Your post just shows how often doctors make mistakes and how we are so very small in their hands. I've myself had my share of doctors' mistakes and we all have to be careful and always ask for second and third opinions, especially in important situations.

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  46. Sounds like you inherited a lot of your mom's spirit, my friend. How lucky you were to have her to show you how to persevere even when things are really difficult.

    The roses are beautiful!
    Cheers!

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