LIFE VS ANXIETY...WINNER TAKE ALL...

Hi, Everyone,

I hope all of you are well and life is treating you with the love and respect you deserve. With all the troubles in our lives and in the world, we need to hold onto the simple pleasures in our lives: family, friends, and what makes us truly happy.

My last month's post featured the trials and tribulations of trying to buy my home in Tampa, Florida. I had left Chicago a mere two weeks ago ready to start the next journey of my life. Heart pounding and my excitement building, I was ready for a new phase...a new challenge. 

Since then, much has happened and I have learned how cruel and unfeeling some people can be. I am not naive to human behavior and I have experienced a great many things in my life. But nothing affects me more than senseless cruelty by the hands of another human being.

I'm sure many of you have experienced this first hand and my heart goes out to you. I suppose this is, yet again, another obstacle we as humans must face in life's journey.

As you recall, I had lost my mortgage, but the owners agreed to a lease the property to me with the option to buy within a year. All seemed well. The realtors were hashing out all the details, and I drove down to Fort Lauderdale to collect all my things that had been in storage there for the last eleven years. The movers loaded up the seventeen foot Uhaul truck, and I was on my 280 mile drive to Tampa. As I crossed Alligator alley in the torrential rain, my phone rang. Glancing at the name, I had to answer...it was my realtor. The deal was off. Shocked, I pulled the truck over to the side. Anger flooded each and every nerve of my body. "WHAT!" I had the Tampa movers scheduled to unload the truck in less than twelve hours. "How could the sellers do this?" They could, and they did. They had never signed the revised contract. 

So there I sat. Pouring rain assaulting every inch of the truck. I could barely hear my own heart beating. Think and pull yourself together... was what I kept telling myself. SO... I did. I picked up my cell and called the Uhaul center where I had planned to return the truck. An "Earthly Angel" answered and she was able to assist me in acquiring the space I needed to store my life...again. 

Three hours later I had arrived. I was able to leave the truck there overnight. A friend picked me up and was kind enough to take me to my B&B.

It's amazing how much one can endure. The human spirit can shed intense anxiety when needed to focus on the task at hand, but the aftermath is another story. Just like surviving an earthquake, but what of the aftershocks? 

I had planned a six-eight week stay, begin the remodeling of my new place, and toget the wheels in motion for my future in a new city. I had it all set up beautifully... but it took only one cruel person to knock over the first domino and send the rest of the delicate wall crashing all around me.

It took me about a week to tie up all the lose ends in Tampa before returning back to Chicago. Not only was this an emotional hit, but it was also a financial one. But throughout this whole ordeal, amazingly I remained calm or was I just numb? I'm still not sure. But I believe deep down all of this happened for a reason. As all things do.

During my two day drive back to Chicago, I had many hours to think. My earlier plans to move to NYC had fallen through when the seller of a condo I was about to buy broke our contract and accepted a higher bid. Then, I had thought that perhaps that was for a reason and I should move south. Now this... Funny how life is. Another condo very similar to the one I had lost in NY has come on the market. It is larger, on a higher floor, and with a terrace! So maybe... It's an office like the former and I can create a fantastic 2 bedroom 1.5 bath in this space. It could be amazing...

Now the anxiety has hit... Do I return back home to NYC or move to South Tampa? NY will always be home to me, but it is cold, and after ELEVEN winters in Chicago, I'm not sure I want to endure another. (Chicago is still in the 40's in JUNE! Only a high of 55 today) I have grown to really hate the cold.

Tampa has it's good points, but I have such a bad taste from what had happened. It had taken me six months to find the condo I had wanted to buy and to start all over again.... it's difficult. Tampa is very pricey in the neighborhood I wish to live in... properties are scarce and what is for sale is way out of my price range. 

Time is whirling by at a fast pace. 2015 is six months gone. I had so many goals for this year: a new home, a contract for my second novel. Neither has happened. Yet, they almost did. Still waiting on the agent who has expressed such interest in my story... and yet, nothing. So here I wait. Like so many of you...

Today was a bright an sunny day. Cool, but lovely. I worked with a client who has hired me for years to update her space. She acquired two furry friends and needed to "kitty-proof" the house. Watching them scamper and play certainly put a smile on my face. Something so sweet and simple washed away much of my tension. I may not know where I'll end up, but I am glad to know that I can still appreciate the simple things in life. The purr of a kitten, the sun streaming through an azure sky, spring flowers bursting with color, the wafting scent of lilac, and the hug of a friend...

I wanted to share this with you because we all experience very traumatic things in our lives, but always remember to keep breathing and keep you eyes open wide. You don't want to miss out on the simple, yet beautiful things, in life...

Thank you Alex J. Cavanaugh for giving us all the opportunity to share the ups and downs of our lives. Please visit the other writers posting for the IWSG today. You never know who you may help or how someone may help you...

Have a wonderful day everyone!