Tuesday, March 15, 2011

THE IDES OF MARCH! HART JOHNSON'S DELUSIONAL DOME BLOGFEST!



Well if you haven't already known, today is Hart Johnson's Delusional Dome blogfest in honor of the Ides of March. We must write about our death/murder, someone else's death/murder or an obituary. That sort of thing. Is it twisted? YES. But Hart is awesome, so hop over to her blog for the other entires here.


Here is my entry ... I hope it amuses you.

In the channel ten newsroom, a tousle-haired young woman meanders through an assembly line of cameramen and their equipment to reach a dark-haired man in the corner, sipping on a cup of coffee.
“Excuse me, Mr. Coletti. I was asked to give you this, sir.”
“Thank you, Miss—”
“Reynolds.”
The assistant’s pale face looses her remaining color. With trembling fingers, she places the message in the palm of his mitt-like hand.
He smiles, then stares down at the slip of paper as his square jaw drops. He raises his thick-browed eyes.
“I-Is this true?
The assistant nodded. A single tear splashed onto the floor.
Thank you, Ms. Reynolds. I’ll get right on it.
Mike Coletti rushes through the studio headed for the elevators. He presses the top button and is catapulted to the roof. A chopper is waiting at the top of the Chicago Times building. His perfect black hair is blown in all directions as he races to the chopper and hops inside. Seatbelt fastened they take off. 
An hour later, Mike stands in front of a modest home. His brows raise into his hairline and he shakes his head in disbelief.
“You’re on in five, four, three, two, one.”
“LIVE in Ann Arbor, Michigan. This is Mike Coletti at the home of Hart Johnson. Hundreds of Naked mourners are frozen, waiting for a glimpse of their mentor.
“Today across America, the UK, and Australia people are ripping off their cloths in honor of our dearly departed Hart Johnson, aka, the Watery Tart. 
“Hart Johnson single handedly brought nudity to a whole new art form. Writing her critically acclaimed novels in the bathtub, she started a world-wide sale on waterproof laptops. Thousands of authors are now writing in the nude, hoping for our sweet Hart’s success. 
“But right now on the lips of every NWDT minion including myself is ... Why didn’t she have one?! This NEVER should have happened!
“What was she thinking bringing her PC laptop in the tub? Did she believe she had a Naked-top? Was she loosing her mind? 
“We will never know. I still don’t understand why with the billions of dollars Naked-top computers made on Hart’s genius, they never sent her one of their waterproof creations.
“I, as well as, millions of people will hold Naked-top responsible! No longer will we enjoy the immortal words coming from The WATERY TART, naked from her bathtub.
JOIN me and thousands of others in the boycott of this product. RUSH NAKED to your local franchise and chant “Murderer! Murderer! Murderer!
FOR OUR TART ... RIP OFF YOU CLOTHES NOW!  Mike flings his jacket, loosens his tie, and  tears of his shirt, revealing a muscular goose-bumped torso. He reaches for his belt ...

39 comments:

  1. LOL! I thought you were supposed to write about your own death, but this is ever so funny! Great job, Michael!

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  2. My clothes have been ripped off in memorium!
    LOL! Too funny, Michael! :)

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  3. Bahahaha!!! Writing novels in the bathtub! That's genius! Loved this, you had me giggling all throughout!

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  4. Ripping off clothing and running is not always eye-candy-worthy. LOL... Hah...

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  5. LOL_ very amusing on this Tuesday morning- Ripping clothes off- that will be the day LOL

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  6. This is laugh out loud funny! I haven't entered this fest but am enjoying reading the entries! I loved this.

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  7. Hehehehe...too funny! I can see I'm not going to stop laughing today.

    Ellie Garratt

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  8. Very cute, it goes so well with Hart’s post too. I do wonder why she was not using one of the waterproof laptops…is smell foul play!

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  9. This was great; Hart will probably give you an award for your clever delivery! Great job, lol

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  10. Hahahaha, water proof lap tops. You're a marketing genius. Poor Hart, she's died twice so far.
    Nancy
    N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium, Special .99 through April 30

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  11. tee hee, that's gonna keep me giggling for a while - now where can i get a water-proof mac?...

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  12. OMG!!! LOL--perfect! B/c I'm sure you've seen her entry today, right? NWD Tour wins! :D <3

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  13. wonderful! I am naked right now. And to do that in March in Nova Scotia takes guts let me tell you!
    Jan Morrison

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  14. This is hilarious, Michael, thank you!!

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  15. A lovely read, Michael...immensely entertaining! I wish I'd known about this event in time to enter..I do hope it's a yearly thing.

    Glad to have discovered your site...will come back when I have more time...:)

    Lynette
    Imagination Lane

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  16. Oh, a Naked-Top. Ingenious. We must get right on that!

    This is great. LOL. Thanks so much for sharing. :)

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  17. For Hart I wish I could rip off my clothes, but I'm at work and might get in a little trouble. So instead I'm ripping them off in spirit.

    What a wonderful blog you have, Michael! I'll be back... (Hope that doesn't sound like a threat.)

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  18. lol Too cold here today for no clothes. Loved sweet Hart. Clever use of language.

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  19. I'm still laughing, Michael. What a funny entry. Like Holly wrote, I smell foul play here! Let's start looking for that cruel murderer who had the gall to kill our beloved Hart! Read my not-funny entry, will you? Roland

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  20. BUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA ohmygawd-this was FABULOUS!!!! A Naked Top Computer! I totally need one! Oh, I loved this Michael!!! Thank you!

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  21. Ha! Love the ending of this - get nekked everyone! Although poor poor Tart.

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  22. LOL.

    Waterproof laptops sound good to me!

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  23. Haha! A fine tribute to the naked Tart!

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  24. That was hilarious. Great story. I want one of those laptops.

    Draven Ames

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  25. This is so funny, Michael. Great entry. If I had one of those laptops I'd use it in the shower.

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  26. *Rips of pyjamas*

    NAKED TARTS UNITE!

    LOL.

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  27. Oh, that is GREAT! I love how it ends on the verge of becoming a romance novel!

    And I laughed at your comment on my blog. A blue-eyed, Italian Michael is actually the description of the mc in the novel I had my husband burning!

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  28. I swear there's not a sane writer in this Hop.
    And you, Michael, have loose marbles chasing each other.
    ( I do not care for the tea in my nose -- thanks anyway.)

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  29. There's no prize for this blogfest Michael :)

    I think you killed me with laughter. This had to be the most perfect entry. And you call sick . .

    Wait, I have to read this again.

    .......dhole

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  30. AAaiiiiiieeee!!!!! This was brilliant! I'm laughing as I write this, how clever!!!!

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  31. I'm with you NAKED TARTS UNITE. Ripping off clothes.
    I was wondering how Hart died. I think you are right it was an advertising trick to get more people to buy Naked-top computers. Well they wont get away with this. I'm going to join the march on the computer store in the mall.

    HART WILL LIVE IN OUR HEARTS FOREVER!!!!

    Pamela Jo

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  32. *runs to turn up thermastat* *grabs towel to shield chair*
    *cranks up thermastat even more*
    *looks around nervously*
    *strips*
    R.I.P HART JOHNSON! R! I! P!
    *realizes I forgot to close blinds and now have a disturbed neighbor*

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  33. Ha Ha!!!

    Really amusing!! Do you really write from your tub with waterproof laptop???

    ha Ha!!

    with warm regards
    http://becomingprince.blogspot.com

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  34. Oh, these comments are FABULOUS! So glad I'm missed...erm...

    And YES, I write from my bath tub, though to date, I do it long hand... spiral notebook and medium point blue pen... If I had a naked top though...

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  35. Ahhh, yes! Waterproof laptops would be SWEET! Very funny. You're creativity is awesome.

    (Coming to the party late).

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